10 Essential Elements of Self-Compassion
What do you say to yourself when doing something wrong or a mistake? How is the tone and what are the words of your internal dialogue?
Self-compassion is not the same with self-pity. Self-compassion is a kind act that gives you a short moment of peace and acceptance.
Plus, self-compassion is not selfish because it is teaching you how to relate to others as well. You canít give to others what you donít know how it feels.
The 10 elements of self-compassion:
1. Evaluate objectively the difficulty level of what you wanted to achieve
How high did you set the bar for yourself when starting your journey? What is achievable? What is doable for you? Was it worth pursuing?
If your answer to these questions is yes, take a deep breath and enjoy a moment of reflection. Then continue with ďYetĒ ďI havenít achieved it YET.Ē
Staying focused on your goals is not an easy task.
Reevaluate what you want to accomplish with the understanding that you are doing, only, as much or as little as you know how. Therefore, take your lessons from the previous tries and try again in a different way.
2. Surround yourself with people that love you
When you feel down and uninspired, ask for help. Allow your loved ones to give you a hug, a safe place to fall, a helping hand, a chance to restore the faith in yourself.
3. Step away from idealistic media
What you see on TV, read in magazines and discover on the internet (e.g. social media), it is not the reality of everyday life. Same things are lies; other things are, carefully selected positive clippings out of other thousands of clippings where people are not successful, nor beautiful, nor achieving too much.
Take a step back and stop comparing yourself to romanticized ideals that donít exist.
Know who you are and who you want to be. Celebrate what you have already accomplished and say ďnot yet!Ē to the things that you havenít.
4. Accept the fact that you canít be in control of everything
As you canít be in control of everything, it is not entirely your merit for the good, not entirely your fault for the bad. Same things are due to chance, others to luck and most are due to a lot of hard work. However, with the best intentions and the most laborious effort, you might not get what you want because you donít have (yet) all the resources needed.
5. You are more than what you know how to do and what you succeed accomplishing
You are love, care, attention and blessing for those around you. You are an invaluable member of a group, family, and circle of friends. You are who you are and who you are today it is enough to build the tomorrow's more. Are you not?
6. Take time to listen to yourself
From time to time Stop! Stop running, stop chasing, stop being complacent, stop talking, stop regretting. Give your mind and soul a moment to voice what is deep inside of you.
Listen and pay attention in silence because everything else around you is loud and noisy, but your own voice is a mere whisper.
7. You are socially created
I guess, you have those moments of regret or blame toward self for what you could have been and you are not.
If you were born in a different family, place, environment, you would be different. Accept the version you are and donít blame yourself for the version you could have been with different resources.
8. Put an end to the conflict between your logical and your emotional mind
You might need one thing and desire another; you might say one thing and doing something else; you might believe that you are valuing someone/ something and giving your love, attention, and energy to somebody/ something else.
That is happening to all of us. Understand that is not your fault; this is the human nature. We struggle to agree with one side or the other.
However, what if you could reconcile the both parts of your mind? What if you sit down and listen to the both side of the argument? How can you do that?
Acknowledge that you are human and perfection is out of your reach. Recognize the both sides of yourself (mind and heart) and give them both the opportunity to shine, to do what they are good at, for what they are meant to be. Accept the fact that you can't function properly without any of them.
9. Get out of the loop of negative thinking
If attacked by a lion, a deer goes back to grazing; you go back, time and time again at what happened and imagine different disastrous outcomes. Arenít you?
When something bad happens, we tend to go back in time and make scenarios about what could have happened giving ourselves a scare hard to forget.
Your body doesn't make a difference between the things you imagine happening and facts. Your body reacts in the same way, produces the same hormones and puts you in the same mood in both cases: imagined or real events.
Get out of the loop. Learn what you need to learn from your experiences and then move on. The lion didnít get you, but when you continue thinking about it, it feels like it did.
10. Take the competition with yourself out of self-compassion
Free yourself from self-judgement. Yes, in the past youíve done better some things than what you can do today. However, donít allow your past to force you in tunnel vision. You, perhaps, acknowledge just the things that you have done and canít do no more, forgetting all the wonderful thing youíve accomplished since then. You forget to notice how much you have grown in other areas.
If you really must blame yourself, blame yourself for the good things youíve done. It is not fair to leave one side of the balance empty!
Carmen Jacob is the co-founder of https://selfimprovement.org. Her mission in life is to help as many people as possible to improve the quality of their life and the life of those around them. She provides knowledge so that you can recognize your opportunities and chances and take advantage of them in an ethical and constructive way.
by Carmen Jacob