Phil for Humanity Phil for Humanity
A Guide for the Survival of Humankind and Helping the World, Society, and Yourself.

It is Not about Being Right

There is an old joke that goes something like this:

"Men, when dealing with women, it is not about who is right or wrong.
It is about where you will be sleeping tonight.

While this joke is a bit sexiest, it does point out two common social gaffes.

When I was younger, I always felt that I could never turn away from a possible argument with someone. Furthermore, I needed to win every argument too. As I learned the hard way, this internal desire to address everything that I disagreed with caused noticeable and significant harm to me personally, especially to my social standing. For instance, forcing my opinions on other people is a sure way to not win their friendship, and who knows how many possible advantages I lost because of it.

On the other hand, the second social issue that I have is agreeing with people just to stay friends, keep the peace, or to keep social connections. Going with the flow when not agreeing with people makes me lose a little bit of my respect and friendship to these other people. This may not be true for their friendship and respect to me, but that is not the point that I am trying to make. While this situation may be the most advantageous to me personally, this still leaves me with the feeling of deliberately using someone.

At first this seems like a no win social situation. You are damned if you do, and you are damned if you do not. However, I am starting to consider a third alternative.

Now, I have started telling people my opinions and why I believe them without pressuring other people to immediately change their minds. I think of this as planting a seed for thought in their minds that may later come to fruition. Additionally, I listen to their arguments too. In this way, I respect people for their arguments and a still tell them what I think without losing any respect or friendship between each other.

by Phil for Humanity
on 10/24/2008

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